Tell All

Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?

In no particular order:

I'm no longer in love with Mimi. I realized that a few days ago. This isn't to say that, suddenly, she's off my mind. I still miss her, and I still want her in certain ways, but the person I was in love with doesn't really exist, or at least is so deeply buried behind walls and defenses that I'm never going to see her again. I feel a little sad about it, but mostly I feel free. I erased all the e-mails that I had saved to and from her and, when I get home, I'll finish throwing out the rest of the stuff... Pictures, notes, gifts. It's not going to be exactly easy, to throw out a chunk of your life like that, but I think it will be good.

I spoke with my sister about the woman I e-mailed. She seems to think, by the way she wrote me back right away, but then has been slower in responding, particularly to my request for her number, that she's probably with someone else; which is fine. I'm disappointed, but not hurt really. What business did I have, after making the choice to walk away from a potentially good relationship with this woman 10 months ago, in favor of an enormously unhealthy one with Mimi, to think that I might get another shot? Truth be told, as much as I have thought about how nice it would be to be with someone like her, it would also be great just to get to know her as a friend. I know, that sounds like made-up, touchy-feely crap, but what can I say-- she made me laugh