I Think of You When I Squash Bugs

It doesn't sound that bad in Spanish

I want to check my e-mail. The old account. The one that I deleted. I want to see if there are any messages for me there, but I can't. It's gone now. Oh well.

I haven't written, and I know, I know. I haven't worked out, or gotten much sleep, or unpacked my house, or paid my bills, or taken care of anything at all to speak of, for the last three weeks. I've been working. I've been working so much I'm starting to slip and when I slip, they yell at me. This is becoming abusive and I need to leave. This is not making me a better and more complete person. There are other types of relationships than romances that can be abusive too and they can bend you and hollow you out just as much as the girlfriend kind. Just now, as I'm writing, I'm also watching a movie, but pausing every few minutes because I can't bear the emotional twists and turns of a stupid fucking comedy with the wilson brothers. I'm eating dinner and I've got my e-mail open. I can't settle down, I can't stop and all I want to do is sleep.

I moved finally and, true to word, changed my number and my e-mail address. I started packing at 7AM on a Saturday. At 10:30 I went to breakfast with friends from work, bought them some pancakes, bacon and eggs and recruited some movers. At 12:30 I got home and packed for another 1/2 hour. Somewhere in there I called around for a truck and went to pick up the last Uhaul in town. My friends arrived at 1 and by 1:45 all my stuff was in the new place. I unpacked the mattress, TV, stereo and kitchen that night and, the next morning packed, had breakfast with a friend, got my bills together, called a cab and did some laundry. The cab arrived 10 minutes early with my clothes still a sodden ball in the drier. I shoved what I needed, still wet, into my garment bag and hung up the rest around the house before running out the door. God it was great to come home to that.

I also had one of the best weekends I can remember, sleeping, fucking, and walking around DC with an entirely lovely woman. I really, can't complain.

So, once again, that's me.