Today Was...

Chivasana (sp?) is the hardest pose and as I lay in it, my mind kept tumbling back to the inevidable conversation to come. Got to stop hashing myself through that one. No call today, no text, not that I called or wrote either. You pull away from me, I give you space rather than go chasing after. It's just how I operate now. It's not a game, you just don't go through certain things and not come out the other side... well... different.

Anyway, the pose, yeah. Couldn't concentrate, and in the drive to the turf and the changing of clothes, all I wanted was a little whiskey and a little beer. That I got, sitting at the bar by myself with a book and my notepad, scrawling and reading and not speaking to anyone at all lest I could help it. The woman next to me got up, leaving no one between me and her hot friend, who suddenly started acting in a way to draw more attention to herself, exclaiming about things outloud, reaching her hands in the air and stretching her tight, lean body for me to see. I'm not often one to think that someone is interested in me when I'm out at a bar. It's usually the last thing I'd think to notice, but sometimes it happens and you just see it plain as day. I didn't bite, though I watched her stretch and looked her up and down unabashadly.

There may be little hope left for what I want, but little is still some, and I'm not about to fuck it up on a night out on the town. At least I've grown up that much. That's a comfort, if nothing else.

I'm not about to stick around for much longer and let the come on strong and pull back fast rollercoaster thing contiue either. It's not my first day at the rodeo, and I've picked up a few tricks. I've learned when to duck and cover and when to rush headlong in, and while the instinct is always for the latter, I've learned to save it up for when the time is right. I'm proud of myself for that one.