I Would Change For You...

...but babe that doesn't mean I'm gonna be a better man.

Day 19 off the sauce and, really, the only thing bothering me is the isolation. I'd like to go out and, at least, be around people, but the coffee shops are closing and you can only go to the Turf and order a slice of cheesecake so many times before the bartenders start to think you're nuts.

Sometimes being alone is OK, and sometimes it is not. This is alone in the general sense, as in a continued state when one comes home at night and when one wakes up in the morning, rather than alone in the moment, which is what I am right now. I digress... Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not so bad and then sometimes it's downright terrible. I think it's somewhere around not so bad right now. I have music and my books and some writing. My friends may be sleeping, but they're around-- again in the general sense here. I have plenty of time for the gym. There's that dull feeling that starts down just below the belly and kinds of ekes out towards my heart and into the corners of my arms. I think that's lonely, but it might just be the yoga and weightlifting. It seems my hands are no longer the only part of me that is calloused.

No one wanted ice cream tonight, which was a shame. I did stop by my friends' house after yoga class for a little company, which was nice. I rinsed off in my friend's shower and used her fancy scrubbing soap with coconut and cane sugar that warms when you spread it into your skin. I smell delicious. I kind of want to eat my face off.

It's amazing how much the mood lightens around here as soon as the track changes.