Heartache. Why do we feel it? What purpose does it serve? What lessons should we learn from it?

There has been all manner of advice posted to me about this, much of it in the form of , "Forget that bitch, man. There are other fish in the sea." Sage advice, indeed. It's not really the point though, is it? Heartache doesn't exist for it's own sake, I think it exists so that you learn. Like the physical pain from touching something hot, this pain lets you know you've done something wrong. Problem is, it's not so clear, as with the hand in the fire, what that wrong thing might be. Mostly, I am deeply afraid of doing it again, or, perhaps worse, going to other way and this time, freezing my heart solid.

Does this make any sense? Look, here's what's going on: I feel fine, really fine, and I don't want her anymore-- the thought of it, in fact, is ridiculous-- but that doesn't mean that I don't miss her. I still can't figure out how I could have been so wrong about someone, or about something. One has faith, I have been told, that the people we meet are able to distinguish between the choices that make them good people, or bad, but that not everyone can actually do this. Does this make them bad people, or just, somehow emotionally handicapped? Does this explain why I fell for it for so long?

I dream about her, about her finding me, or about me breaking down and contacting her, though I feel no compulsion to do so (but must admit, when pressed, that I am searching, in part, for a random encounter). These are bad dreams-- uncomfortable dreams. Last night, I dreamt of an evil coven, one member of which-- a sinisterly beautiful woman-- had been my former lover. While I and my friends were not without our own powers, I knew that her's was superior. I knew she was pivotal in some evil plot, but was no match for her. It would take the full strength of all my friends, and those that supported us, to save the day, but first, I needed to get away from her and from the dueling senses of attraction and betrayal that I felt, there with my arms around her, so I could deliver the message of their plan. I remembered, at some point, that, in order to achieve her power, her heart had been physically removed.

My subconscious, it has been pointed out to me, is not terribly subtle.