Someone Else's Homework
Sexual Deceit
I wake up in the spare room at some unknown hour of the night or morning, the extra blankets piled on top of me, my head, whiskey fuzzy, barely peering out from them, with a straight sight line down the hallway towards the master bedroom. I've been woken by the pitter-patter-clomp of bare feet on the hardwood, and what I see, walking from the bathroom back to bed, is the tiny naked bottom of one skinny legged, fuzzy headed roommate of my lover. My chest tightens and I feel a rush of cold coming from inside me, the feeling that something is terribly out of place that I hadn't noticed before.
They had been partners for four years, before I met her, and split up soon after, but were still sharing a house. I suppose I knew they still shared a bed, "as sisters" my lover assured me, but I'm not quite sure, with the clarity of hindsight, why I fell for that. It wasn't even the realization that her (former?) partner was sleeping with her naked, so much as seeing her, the next morning, walk around the house in her bathrobe, clearly bare underneath, that drove the realization home. Not only is my lover not being faithful to me, I'm the one she's using to be unfaithful to someone else.
The ride back to my sister's place, where I was staying until I found a new apartment, was mostly silent. I stared out the passenger window while she drove, my guts churning while I tried to work out the courage to say "no more", when all I wanted to do was ask her to spend more time with me. I wanted an excuse from her, any excuse, to make it allowable, so I could continue to love her when I could, at lunchtime, after drinks or before dinner with the woman who was her partner, her family, her life. I didn't find courage or time for either, as I was brushed out of the car to make room for her "busy day", and left standing in the parking lot of the apartment complex, between lust and despair, stomach twisted, heart racing, wanting her, wanting sex to drive the feeling away and, at the same time, disgusted at the idea of touching her.
They had been partners for four years, before I met her, and split up soon after, but were still sharing a house. I suppose I knew they still shared a bed, "as sisters" my lover assured me, but I'm not quite sure, with the clarity of hindsight, why I fell for that. It wasn't even the realization that her (former?) partner was sleeping with her naked, so much as seeing her, the next morning, walk around the house in her bathrobe, clearly bare underneath, that drove the realization home. Not only is my lover not being faithful to me, I'm the one she's using to be unfaithful to someone else.
The ride back to my sister's place, where I was staying until I found a new apartment, was mostly silent. I stared out the passenger window while she drove, my guts churning while I tried to work out the courage to say "no more", when all I wanted to do was ask her to spend more time with me. I wanted an excuse from her, any excuse, to make it allowable, so I could continue to love her when I could, at lunchtime, after drinks or before dinner with the woman who was her partner, her family, her life. I didn't find courage or time for either, as I was brushed out of the car to make room for her "busy day", and left standing in the parking lot of the apartment complex, between lust and despair, stomach twisted, heart racing, wanting her, wanting sex to drive the feeling away and, at the same time, disgusted at the idea of touching her.
posted by David at 10:57 AM
1 Comments:
that's so much better than my growing old is considering financial cost of jumping off of swings should I break something. dang!
2:53 PM, January 11, 2006
Post a Comment
<< Home